Things have kind of been harsh to me this last week. And its not just one specific thing, its little thing and big things. either I'm super hormonal( which could be possible) or I just have a tender heart this week- I have been so teary and not really taking things easily. Which is weird for me, I usually cry once a month ( guess why?) and then realize that thats all i needed. this week? oh no. I cried like atleast 5-6 times. Some tears where light, and some had a whole lot of heart ache in them. Things that have been basically shoved in my face this week that really hit home.

My husband told me that I wasn't being persistent enough with the whole job thing.

OUch. even though I realized he's totally right.. I just was so hurt and angry, but slowly realized I definitely could try a whole lot more. my honest reply to him- " I dont think I should have to work... I think you should" But then I realized how freaking old fashioned and dumb i was being. He is going to go to school full-time to be a dentist so that we he can be the one to provide and take care of my family. i'm the one doing nothing.

I think the hard thing to realize is my laziness. I don't like people critiquing me. I hate it actually.

I just want them to focus on themselves, and I'll take care of me. But since I am married, I guess we ( me and Ethan ) should work together on things- even if its hard.

So Today, you know what I did?? I re-wrote my resume ( for the 15th time) and applied to 5 jobs. I'm making a goal for next week that requires me to apply to 5 jobs a day or more. I needed the harsh truth this week. correct my sloppiness and make it better. I can find a job- i just totally hate the process, and I think thats what's holding me back.

I mean I have a whole list of things to improve on, its just seems so dang hard! But I know that with persistence, I will achieve my dreams and my goals.