Today there was nothing to wake up for. Don't you love those days, with no alarms, nothing knocking on your door making you get up, just sleep?I am soaking those days up. I know that once I have a child-children, that's definitely not going to happen- and I will have rude awakenings, although nice since they will be my kids, but not nice at the same time.
I have been thinking about myself lately, and what I really want.
I want to try new things. I want to be good at something, not just average at a lot of things. I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time. Did you know I have always wanted to play piano? Its hard to get yourself motivated and teach yourself- and playing on a keyboard is not quite the same. I have always wanted to pound on the piano like MUSE does. Holy cow, have you ever listened to their music? It got me through high school. Music sure does have an effect on your life. That seems to be silly, but when you think about it, and really truly listen- what are you really listening to? I was listening to 104.7 the other day, just driving around, and got really annoyed at the songs they play ( and repeat and repeat). They seriously just steal from people who actually have talent. If they ever steal and remix a song from the Beatles into a poppy rap thing I will pretty much throw a fit.
Do you ever feel that if you like something, its only because someone else likes it? It keeps me from liking a lot of things. I don't want to be like anyone else- and I think that has kept my creativeness inside a shell. I tried painting the other day, and I was trying to paint something that my sister would like, and it just looked so stupid to me. like something you would see at Target, in massive supply with like Live. Laugh. Love. on it. I used to be so creative. Now that painting is sitting in the back yard, waiting to be thrown away, but instead just getting sun bleached. Did you know I used to be pretty good at art? I use to draw people really well, but I'm so out of practice because I got burnt out from all the art classes I took. Oh yeah, did you even know about that? that one semester where I took sewing, life drawing, 2-d design photography and dance? talk about sucking all the life out of you. I really don't know what I was thinking. it makes sense when its for your major, but in reality- are you really going to wanna do that career after you totally burn yourself out? yeah. notreally. I changed my major from "Art teacher" to freaking communications.. yeah.. the no where major that has no real intent other than communicating- which is important, but really boring and uninteresting. the reason I chose that was because I wanted to get my associates, so it would look better on my resume for a good job. Lame! Now what I know I wanna be is something that I know isn't even really around for new comers. Interior Decorating. I think I would be really happy doing that. I took 3 classes in High school for it, and was actually pretty dang good. man. I wish we could do the things we truly loved and got paid for it- somehow someway. That way if like you worked at the job you loved, and you had a child- instead of maternity leave it would change from one job to an entirely different one, getting paid to teach your child. lol OH dreams. how unlikey they are sometimes, but how much we wish they would come true.
Today I rewarded myself for working hard. I bought myself a mens v neck tshirt that was freaking soft and then got my self a spicy chicken sandwhich at Chicfilet, which was delicious! I think rewarding yourself a little for working hard is a must. Sometimes(most times) people don't know when you need to be rewarded for the hard work you did, because only you really know how hard you worked. So take care of yourself a little, love yourself when you need to be loved. Not to be replaced with love from your husband or wife- but just because you love yourself too.
I just started doing this. And I honestly do love who I am. Isn't that weird? I honestly could have never said that- I probably would have said.. I guess I love myself.
if you dont love yourself, it makes you a lot harder to be loved. And I want to be easy to love.
3 comments:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think you discovered some valuable life lessons. You can over do a good thing. Just because you burned out does not mean you can't enjoy art classes in the future. Just remember what you learned.
I think you would be a FANTASTIC interior decorator. Always thought you could be. There are ways to go to school just for that. You can make it happen:) I have faith in you.
Taking care of and loving yourself is a HUGE revelation. I am so happy you discovered that now instead of waiting 30 years like your mom. You and everyone around you will benefit from this lesson. You will be a wonderful mom someday, for now enjoy the time you have with just the two of you:)
Lauren-
You are amazing. I love you and I wish that the dreams you talk about could come true! Some do, most don't, however it is the one thing that you should never stop doing. That is one thing that I need to do is remind myself to KEEP hoping and dreaming. I get in a rut easily lately because my job is oh-so-boring sometimes.
Sidebar, I would love to have you decorate my new place once I get one, you're hired, and YES I will pay you! Just need to find a place I want to be :-)
You are right about the whole, take care of yourself and love yourself. I am learning that no matter how much I do for others I cannot expect them to do something for me in return to make me happy. So I need to take the time and do things that I WANT TO DO WHEN I WANT TO DO THEM. So thank you for sharing your thoughts because you helped me realize I need to do that. Being good to others, giving and caring is all fine and dandy until you start to resent it because you do nothing for yourself. HA! LOVE YOU SO MUCH! :-) Share your thoughts more often as I just figured out I can read this at work, WAHOO!
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