Here I am in my new Apartment, sitting on my free couch looking at my new Ikea curtains and lamp, taking a huge sigh of relief. I did it. I moved out, and I am now free to me naked everywhere-not that I wanna be, but i have the option! Amazing. I have a waited for this day for a long while and its really nice. Even though I should be outrageously happy- I am so distraught. You see, I am really lucky to have obtained my goal of moving out by may- and have a job that supports both of us and gives us the things we need, But life has its bitter-sweets. I am not the only one making changes. My sister Maren who is the greatest sister, and best friend anyone could ever ask for- is moving to Washington this next Monday. Four words. My heart is broken.
I feel so sad, angry and happy for her. I am going to miss my neice Circe and my nephews Ethan and Atticus so so so sooooooo much. They are so much a part of my heart that it hurts so bad to think about them forgetting about me. It kills me. I hate this feeling. for the past couple days I just shut myself down, and I feel deadsad. So many things are flowing through my mind- thoughts of being lonely, thoughts of not being able to have children of my own, thoughts of just plain sad things. I think I am kind of depressed. I hope this normal. Going through the stages of goodbye is hard- first its denial, then it hits you so hard you cry, then you just go numb, then I suppose it gets better... I am not in that stage yet- but I guess I will get there.
ugh. my heart hurts.