Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
I never really noticed until lately that people can be pretty rude. Or maybe truthful?
I guess it just hurts too much for it to be truth, so I will go with rude.
I don't know maybe its just me... but why do people feel that personal comments about MY body are appropriate? I mean okay think it all you want- but to say it? really? I guess it really is just me. I would never want to hurt someones feelings, or make them feel bad about themselves. I figure if they want to do something about it they will, and if they want help they will ask, but I would never say- wow- you are not small- or your fat- or your a big woman.
I guess I am just breaking down a little. I worked my butt of last week. for reals. And I still feel horrible about myself, to the point where I just want to lay in bed and cry. I haven't allowed myself to do that, but I totally want to. Like please don't look at me, because the way you see me is not they way I want you to see me, and I totally can't control that- so that makes me even more sad. If I don't share my thoughts to something, I am afraid I might poison myself with them. So I need to get them out of my head. I am sorry if I am coming off as fishing for compliments, cuz I don't want them. I just hurt inside. and I don't know what to do. I just feel broken hearted. I want to be small. I hate being a big girl. I HATE it. I want to be thin and breakable, like a woman. Not tall and Strong like a man.
I feel so manly sometimes and it totally blows.
i wrote a Status on my facebook today"I tried on a jacket in costco today. My mom said, "wow thats really cute!" and i said really? knowing It was the wrong size (small) and some random old guy was like.. "it doesn't fit you, i mean your pretty-but you are definitely not a petite!"
The guy also looked at me up and down with this look on his face like I was a giant.
I made it seem funny- but it totally hurt bad- I actually started crying in Costco shortly after he said it. I just stared at the ceiling and tried not to let anyone see me crying in a store.
Then my sister Maren asked me what was wrong and tears literally fell out of my face. All I kept thinking was "get me out of here, I just want to go to my bed and cry"
Its just so weird to me how all of a sudden people are being so blunt. (there were other instances as well that I can't discuss) I think I might actually be a little depressed.
Anyone been in this situation before? what do you do?
4 comments:
Sadly some people are just ass holes. They don't think about what their words could do to someone.
Just remember that this guy in costco is an idiot and really it doesn't matter what he or anyone else thinks about you. The only thing that does matter is what YOU think about YOU.
From past posts I think you like yourself quite a bit. It just seems like you may have veered off that path lately by caring what others think. You can't do that. It's hard not to. I know. Believe me, I KNOW. But it's so freeing once you make your mind up.
Let me give you an example, one that I ahve only shared with two people:
I travel a lot for work and in November I was flying home from MO. Now I have always been a big girl and have really struggled with weight gain the past few years. Because of this I normally fly with a seat belt extender because, well I need them. anyway, I was settled in my seat in teh exit row, my seat belt safely secured when the flight attended walked up to me and in front of everyone on the plane said that I couldn't be allowed in that seat and would have to move to the back of the plane where there were a few empty rows. I had to then get up, unhook my seat belt extender, gather up all of my belongings and walk to the very back of the plane in front of everyone. I was utterly mortified and spent the first half hour of the flight crying silently to myself. I felt so horrible and disgusting. Wishing that I didn't exist. and then it hit me, why was I so upset? Was it the fact that I had to move or teh fact that I was worrying about what the other people were thinking of me. When I realized it was the latter, I decided to stop it right then and there. I was not going to let other people's thoughts ruin the rest of my day.
Its been hard but I try to do this every day. Some days I fail miserably but I always pick myself back up and try even harder.
Life is far too short already for you to be so unhappy. Live your life for you, do what makes you happy and forget about everyone else. Their opinions don't matter when it comes to your happiness.
People are just retarded and don't think of others feelings. I'm so sorry girl that it happened to you. If it makes you feel any better, I look up to you as an example of someone that's fit and skinny (MUCH skinnier than me) and gorgeous. You should just try to ignore people that are stupid. I know easier said than done cuz I've been there many many times, and I've cried at work, at home, in my husband's arms after things that have been said about me.
Just know that I love you muchly and your husband does too and he's the most important person, other than you, that cares for you.
Just wait until you're pregnant. Everyone feels the need to comment on your size.
You need to love yourself! Don't you ever wonder how your husband, mother, father, sisters can love you so unconditionally? But we all seem to find fault very easily with our selves. We were created to be lovable and to love! Oh and some people say hurtful things without realizing it, it is perfectly loving to point out to them that whatever they said was hurtful. Sometimes they are oblivious!
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