Remember your first day

I remember all of my other jobs that I have had in the past, and seem to have forgotten how incredibly uncomfortable the first day is.

How have i forgotten this? Maybe I was just blocking it from my memory, but I have wanted to cry about 5 times today. Not that its incredibly hard, but more like, I seriously hate being the stupid one. I mean granted I am not going to know everything the first day, but I also just hate not knowing everything. I feel so ripped to shreds, like the first day of High school where you just want to run to your bed, where you know its going to be familiar, and comfortable, and no one judges you there.

I feel like a 5 year old that everyone expects to be brilliant. yikes. I feel so out of my league, but I'll i can do now is grow. And wear the right outfit. This lady from this staff angency told me to over-dress, when she knew that it was casual. So here I am feeling uncomfortable, in a pencil skirt and a nice top ( what I wore to church basically) and high heels- and everyone is in like jeans and a shirt. Man how I wish I was in something semi-comfortable. tomorrow! I will be normal tomorrow. Did you know also I started this job like the day after I got a random call in the morning saying I had it? yeah the day after. So I had like a tiny amount of time to even get ready for this mentally. I love this. I do. But today is uncomfortable, and I hate eating lunch by myself. I need my sister maren and her kids to come hug me. just thinking of them, something famliar, tears me up.

I'm growing. Being uncomfortable is good...

right?